if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
