I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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