I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
