I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He felt like a one man threesome
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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