I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
