I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
