cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
