in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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