im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize