is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Randomize
