i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
