Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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