His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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