I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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