sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
