I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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