My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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