dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
