I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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