Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
