You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
