Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
