What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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