so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
