Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
ugly people sure do ruin things
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
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Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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