What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
