On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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