At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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