Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
