I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
