I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
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Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
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My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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