The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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