Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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