Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
