You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
