there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
