Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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