I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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