No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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