He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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