Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
