So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
