listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
