STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize