And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
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