pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
