apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
