You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
