Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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