She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
