Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i don't like sucking hair
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
