do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
