oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
