where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
