I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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