Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
