Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
