I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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