My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
