I'm so fucking centered right now
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
