Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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