Moan for me like Helen Keller
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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