So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
