Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
