I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
