i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
