people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
