There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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