It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
