five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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