PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
