The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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