We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
