plz talk dirty to me
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
