Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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