Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is Oprah even human
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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