It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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