32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
