Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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