Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
