just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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