This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
