Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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